Sunday, August 24, 2003
HERE'S TO YOU SAGITTARIUS
Carpe Noctem (Seize the Night) - Year 2 - Starting Week #12
Background Music: "Numb" by Linkin Park
NOTE: A Weekly post made before moving back into my Dorm in La Salle on Sunday nights.
I'M EXTREMELY disappointed right now. GRAVELY disappointed. Actually, maybe I could also be angry and mad and all the other emotions relating to the element of fire... but I don't have enough energy to fight fire with fire lately.
I don't even know where to start.
I've set myself up for disaster. I love having friends and that as a fact has kept me going and kept me going strong. Then, when I finally find someone who could reciprocate that love of friends back towards me... that's when I find a best friend.
I'm not making any sense, I know.
He was here for six weeks and we only got two minutes out of it. At least we did get two minutes, would be my initial reaction if I would turn into a forgiving Saint. Not until you get the impression this person would prefer to hang out with his other friends rather than be the first to txt me where and when to meet.
That's what I told him on the two minutes we had when he dropped by my house on my birthday. I told him "Just txt me... Let's go somewhere."
We didn't go anywhere. And, I was the one always txting and asking him if he'd like to go here on this date at this certain time.
It reached a point, like recently, when his time was up. His six weeks are coming to an end this week. I would've adjusted my own schedule to meet his unnamed plans. It didn't even happen.
I bet he doesn't know that during lunchtime on the 20th of April back in 2002 I was in my room all alone listening to the radio. The lights where off. The windows were closed. It was cloudy outside. As cheesy or as corny as it may sound, I was holding back my tears. That's how close I felt to my best friend.
I bet he doesn't know I was looking at that clock in my room during the moments his plane left for the United States.
I bet he doesn't know that I was probably the most affected by his departure. The rest of his friends returned to their normal summer routine while I sat there by the computer waiting for an e-mail or him to appear in Yahoo! Messenger.
I bet he doesn't know how I, too, like his girlfriend, anticipated his arrival. How I wanted to find out when was the exact date and time he would arrive in NAIA for his vacation here in the country. How I already visualized myself with his girlfriend picking him up and taking him directly to his house to enjoy some Filipino merienda. Then leaving the two alone perhaps...
I'm just fucking disappointed at myself.
I've set myself up for disaster. How could I open myself again and become so vulnurable. I'm as sensitive as a Cancer, but I do my best to control my emotions and not let them control me. But now, it's gotten even hell out of balance.
I've been hurt by a Sagittarius. Again.
There's a time for everything, my friend. And I hope next time will be a little different for you. I'm not going to ask you to include me in your agenda next time. That should've been up to you in the first place, way before you came back here.
Ang bastos mo.
The light of happiness of my High School years dims further. It used to be down to the so-called "G7"... now it's dimmed to show only half of their faces. And when that light fades out... let's not even think that will happen.
I stabbed myself with the hope and love I have for them.
***
Back to the Future... here are the four pillars:
Academics/JOU2-1. The Midterm Examinations are throughout this week. No classes. Just heavy duty studying again to fly above the 2.25 minimum-set goal for the Midterms on all my subjects. In some, I'm aiming for 3.25 and above. It's uphill or downhill from here.
Heraldo Filipino. I have one remaining article, which is a lengthy News Feature. I decided to continue it instead of giving it totally away. If I gave it away, I only have two submitted articles to the next Broadsheet compared to last issue's seven articles/photos. Kuya Marthy resigned from Features Editor and with Kuya JD as the rumored new Features' Editor... I'm hoping the La Salleno doesn't turn into a Decreto-like Magazine. That's serious. ^_^
AB Comm Channel. Nothing much for me to do here this week other than submit 2x2's for the ID and maintain updates on the KTS-6 Concert next week.
Dormitory/Tropa. I've re-arranged my corner of the room and it looks nice... and cute and useful. I swear! I mean, I moved the inverted the head of the bed and opened up this corner in the room that used to be unaccessable. I'm excited to start working on that new opened space just for me. Heheh. With the tropa, hopefully more night outs, less drama... and MORE love!
***
Study MABUTI!
Aral HARD!
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