Saturday, September 11, 2004
DOWNFALLS AND UPROARS
The Damage Report - Year 3 - Ending Week #13
Background Music: "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson
NOTE: This is a weekly blog entry that summarizes a series of events of a finished week in and around La Salle.
"Let go. And grow."
MY EYES get heavier each day. I sleep late and end up paying for it in my morning bouts versus gravity.
There are many things right now that I'm proud of, but there almost lies the same amount that I'm not that proud of. My weakness is showing. Vulnurability makes you easily get stepped on in the same way Vladamir Putin of Russia learned from recently. One of my mottos in life goes to a line in a James Bond movie, "Never let them see you bleed." I just tweaked that and added, "But let them feel your humanity."
I tagged my first year of college as the year of independence, where I'd learn to break free from that sense of being jaded in high school. And how many times have I typed it down in my blog that yes, I did achieve that independence.
I tagged my second year of college as the year to be industrious, where I'd build from the foundation of my freshmen year and work my way up. I struggled last year about my relationships with people. I struggled with loving someone who was mute with her feelings. And another heart breaking struggle last year was finding a best friend in someone or in some people that don't see it happening. That don't believe in me in that same manner. That simply aren't interested. I was crushed last year. But I did build what I could have built.
All that building last year brought me to where I am now, a third year college student and one of the first three Broadcast Journalism editors in the history of Heraldo Filipino. I tagged this year as the time to be intrepid in all the things I plan on doing. I want to be couragous, daring, bold, and OUT THERE. Because I know next year, things will be different. I will be a graduating student. I will have no older batch to look at. I will be thinking about jump starting my career in the media or a related field. I will be working on a thesis. I will be applying for an OJT.
"I get so lonely..."
One thing I believe people perceive me as is a person who cares a-hell-of-a-lot of his friends. Someone who employs himself in writing and working in organizations. Someone who is content on a college life built on networking with many people.
That was my philosophy until I realized that it was a stupid philosophy. You can't build your world solely on networking with many people. You have to have a solid foundation within yourself. The mysteries of intimacy aren't found in fifty people, but in one or two people only. Intimacy, is something lacking in me right now. Something I'm so dying to attain and experience.
I bet my friends look at me as the typical guy who isn't bothered or irritated by being a singleton. It's disappointing how even your closest friends overlook what the most important thing to me is.
"Are you falling asleep?"
"No. I'm falling apart."
(i got this quote from a blog of an HF staffer)
It's hard to tell when you see someone falling apart. I've had times where I thought I was going to give up completely and even start smoking (which is the vice I'd like to keep my mouth away from). I've had times I wanted to just cry. There was this one time I locked myself in the bathroom of my dorm and just sat in the corner of the bathroom trying to make myself cry to let all that fucking emotion out.
Did anyone notice? I didn't do any of those things to get people to notice me. I just did them because I didn't know what to do anymore.
I'm still single. I'm trying to be happy at still being single. But it's not happening. I NEEEEEEEEED somebody to hold. Preferably, someone I LOVE.
***
The Legacy of Taken Opportunity
"Make a wish. Take a chance. Make a risk. And Breakaway."
I've decided I might be signing up for LEGACY. I'm 100% interested in joining because I want to take the chance at this opportunity. My birth date, July 13, is known as "The Day of Taken Opportunity" and it talks about how highly evolved July 13 people must recognize their opportunities more and go for it. July 13 people are risk takers and are willing to risk it all because, quite frankly, they have nothing to lose in the first place because they don't have much.
Mark, the Accountancy scholar friend of mine and dorm mate last summer, joined a couple of weeks ago. He is receiving his fourth check this weekend and it will be his first "earning" since the first three checks payed off the debt he had with his friends.
I'm not sure, but I'll have to apply the philosophy of a deserter friend of mine. Que sera sera.
***
Seven is the charm
Anyways, this past week the Council of Student Organizations threw one hell of a concert which I believe is one of the best KTS ever. KTS stands for Kantahan, Tugtugan, at Sayawan and it marked its seventh year last Wednesday. The Performing Arts Group, pool of talents from various colleges, and numerous other bands, dance groups, and singers rocked on stage.
My friend Leah started off the DLS-D's Chorale performance. The Chorale sang "Emotions" and it was just wonderful.
My room mate Tony was keyboardist twice on stage. First for Yamikazi or something like that which includes some fellow dorm mates. Then, Tony performed as the keyboardist of Livewire, which is CLA's pool of talents in the band category. One of their songs was "If I Ain't Got You".
Helga, a rising favorite band of mine (and a sure bet rising favorite for numerous rockers out there in La Salle), also performed. They also represent the International Students Association.
There were a lot of great bands and I was with Judy the whole time in the audience. We sat just in front of the stage and little did we know we would be sitting in the most active part of the audience- the mosh pit.
CSO marshalls tried to control the raging crowd at the foot of the stage. I was there laughing and enjoying the whole thing. The official title of the event was "KTS-7 Non-stop" and it was definitely "non-stop". Two stages made sure the flow of the program kept going. Each group had seven minutes maximum to perform and believe me, all the groups were somehow frustrated with that.
Abbie's boyfriend and my friend Andrew, a campus heartthrob, marched on stage along with fellow College of Engineering and Technology models. Numerous girls in the crowd were cheering for Andrew and I couldn't help but just sit there and wish I could hold a sign board and say "He's taken by my friend Abbie!!"
Well if you have the looks, show it.
It was a wild concert and the songs were great. I especially enjoyed when one of the bands performed to "Love Song" by 311. The Pointes repeated their dance numbers from "USC's Patriots Go Ako!", which was disappointing because the KTS-7 crowd was fresh... meaning, the Pointes should've performed a fresh dance number. Oh well.
That automatically meant the best dance group for the night was (not to be biased, but in all due honesty) FROLIC... or the CLA pool of talents dance category reps. They ruled the stage with a medley of dance hits.
However, the best moment of the night was when DLS-D Chorale had their back to back with four singers. When Chorale's Nadine Amante performed the classic hit "If I Don't Have You" and when Ferson Flores performed another classic hit "Please Don't Ask Me", the crowd was mesmerized. They were star quality! My body trembled as I was awe-struck at their vocal capabilities. BRAVO Chorale!
After the concert, I shared some pictures with the HF people at the event.
***
Brownout strikes parts of Dasma
I got out of bed on Thursday past 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I was swimming in my sweat as the electricity had been gone for several hours. I took a shower in the dark (the bathroom was lit only by the window and the sun'n'shade from the trees outside). I made my way to JFH which had electricity and partnered up with Jose Carlo Miguel Romero, that one scientist-looking guy in my Technical Writing class. We were both irregs.
After class I went to the kubo and hung out with Abbie and the rest of JOU 3-2 people. Ha!? JOU 3-2?! It's what I think I'll start calling their party. I mean, the more or less ten of them are the ones bouncing between 2nd and 3rd year since they are the shiftees and transferees into Broadcast Journalism. Juno, my high school classmate, is one of them.
It feels great hanging out with JOU 3-2. It really does feel like you're hanging out with a different Broadcast Journalism block section that you can still relate very much to. They were having a meeting for their talk show for Intro to Broadcasting, a subject I finished last year.
Abbie and I ate at Over a Cup of Coffee after Fiat was closed. Just the two of us. It was the first time we ate out together without the tropa and without any significant others. I asked her what her boyfriend Andrew enjoys most at OCC and I tried the Ham and Cheese Omelet. It was so tasty.
We went to CK to meet up with Basil and the three of us went to Villa Isabel to hang out at Ed's dorm. I passed by Natz, Jhem, and the rest of the Suba Street gang at Villa Isabel. It was also brownout there.
We waited for Andrew and Ed who were at the gym. Aldrich showed up as well. We kept on teasing Basil about Gail and he just kept on getting irritated. We enjoyed Pork Tonkatsu and it was delicious... in the dark, that is.
Ed's friend Rondan (Roldan? Rodan?) dropped all of us back to our dorms in La Salle and it was still curfew. I rushed down the dark and creepy hallway to retrieve my digicam and went straight to the New Ladies' Dorm for the special rosary for the Virgin Mary's birthday.
I arrived as the rosary was in progress and I took pictures since I was also put in-charge of documentation. Male and Female dormers who took part in the event formed the shape of a rosary and held balloons. Then they'd tie them onto a string and after the rosary was finished, everyone would let go of the balloons and the "balloon rosary" would fly into the night sky.
And it happened.
***
Incompatible layout schedules
I didn't attend my REED105 class [they watched John Q] since I slept over it. I woke up at 8am and if only I knew my class was at the Cabesa, I would've catched up since it wasn't a classroom setting.
I emerged from my room past lunch time and headed straight to the HF office in civilian to layout whatever materials I could have layed out for the next broadsheet issue of HF. It was frustrating because my schedule is totally incompatible to Paul [EIC] and Joanna's [ASSOC] schedule. Plus, Maycee [NEWS ED] was extremely tired and she was starting to get sick so she went home early.
I retreated to the dorm to meet up with my pick-up. Joanna was with me and I introduced Tony to her since he was calling HF from the guard house to inform me that my mom was at the dorm.
And that concluded the week.
***
Downfalls and Uproars
So many times I feel like I'm completely losing it. It's so hard to be alone. I know being lonely is like saying you're walking away from God. But it doesn't seem to be the case here. There are so many happy things happening and things turn out in a positive manner.
Funny, it reminds me of fireworks. It's brilliant and beautiful once it's up there... but then it comes back down and the night sky takes over. No matter how many fireworks light up the sky, no matter how many nuclear bombs light up the sky, none of them can defeat the twilight horizon.
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