Monday, July 14, 2003
IT WAS MY 18TH BIRTHDAY
On the midnight that welcomed the 13th of July this year, I was looking up at the night sky and saw the Full Moon high above me. The disco music from Katz Debut was playing just meters away and I was by myself.
I had been in the company of my classmates and friends who went to Katz' Debut in San Pedro, Laguna. Somewhere between the times the girls fought over Eric Salta and the puffs of smoke coming from Arjay's cigarette... I found myself walking away. I spent the last ten minutes of the 12th of July just sitting there by myself outside in the rocky parking lot. I felt lonely. I didn't know why. Is it the problems I've had the past week? Was it the atmosphere being too good and about to be gone too soon? Was it feeling empty when no one went looking for me? I don't know. I was just lonely.
I had borrowed dad's Samsung T100 so I flipped it open and browsed through potential people I could call. I wanted to call Joy Icayan but perhaps she was asleep. I wanted to call COM1-1 Tony to ask if he was ok, but maybe I would break his sleep. I wanted to call... well, I had a feeling I would disturb her.
So, I didn't call anyone.
The two hands of my wrist watch where pointed upwards and I waited for the seconds-hand to also point up. When it did, I had turned 18.
I went back to the lobby area and approached Teenah who was by herself. I said: "Teenah... I'm 18 now!" like a little eight-year-old kid. She laughed and I sat down next to her. My Digital Camera was still warm from all the pictures I was taking... so I let it cool off.
The rest of the time something bad happened. I had finally convinced myself that after a week of problem after problem, that everything was going to be normal. Until we all find out that Teenah was just robbed of P3,000 pesos.
Oh. My. God.
I couldn't believe this. I just couldn't. Not one day of the past week has gone without a sudden twist or turn.
My other classmates returned from going to Apple's place (5 minutes away) and we all gathered. Kuya Henry (my mom's cousin and our driver for the night) came with the CR-V and waited awhile.
We decided to not proceed to Padi's Point in Binan and instead go drinking at Apple's place. There, well, somehow... um, I didn't get to drink. I felt out of place with Katz' HS friends plus I didn't have money to even ride a jeepnee across town.
Teenah brought me outside of the house and into the darkness of the street and we had a conversation. Arjay came out, so did William, and the others. It was like we had a meeting 2 o'clock in the morning with Teenah. We shared the typical ghost stories followed by jokes and more of Arjays kwentos.
We left William at Apple's house since he decided to stay. Inside the CR-V was Eric, Arjay, Teenah, Maycee, and Keith. We dropped Keith near Southwoods and then zoomed down the dim and empty streets back into Cavite. We dropped Maycee first and then Arjay and Teenah near the UMC. Then we dropped Eric in Bacoor. Then, the first ray of light on the 13th of July was seen as we were speeding into Tanza from the fields of Tejero.
I ran into my house, quickly opened up my Birthday card from my parents, read it, and then collapsed onto my bed and fell asleep.
12:11pm. I opened my eyes and turned on the music and before I was about to get in the shower... the phone rang. At the same time my mom barged into my room saying "George! Bryan and Nikki are at the gate!"
My best friend from high school was back from the United States and he's here on vacation. He was outside with Nikki while I was in my pajamas inside my room. The same clothes he probably would have seen me wearing over a year ago. What an impression to make. Haha. My mom told me to change but when I opened my cabinet, I said... "Oh what the hell... all I need to get suited up in is myself. I need to be myself."
With that in mind, I marched outside into the Living Room slightly tense, slightly excited, all of the friggin' above. And then I yell out "Bryan!!". He stood up and then we shook hands. They couldn't stay. It was weird. It's like we just met at the same time it was like they were leaving after a whole morning in my house.
It so happens Bryan just got here from the airport. Woah. He looks bigger. Yes, that's the word. A bit taller + A bit, well, what's the word... healthier. That's exactly what I want to see in my friends right now... their good health.
It was sad they had to go early. We just spent five minutes talking before I had to lead them out. Bryan pointed out the Balikbayan boxes on the red truck that his grandparents where driving. Bryan did promise we would all go out sometime. He'll be here for six weeks.
***
The early afternoon was slow. No one came yet. Aldrich and Lance said they were coming but they wearn't around yet. I was receiving txt msgs. from a few friends but I couldn't reply because replying using a Samsung T100 was kind of difficult. Thanks to those who txt'd me!
Finally some relatives came. It was also my first time to be able to roam around the living room area which was now arranged. All the furniture was arranged. Complete with spanish-tiles and a multi-plex painted wall or something.
I took a shower and then I began painting my five paintings for my Art Appreciation class. Aldrich, Alex, and Lance finally arrived after what seemed like ages. I wasn't pissed off... I was actually glad they made it here safe. I mean, at least they did show up. And going to my house from La Salle Dasmarinas and Cavite City is pretty much quite a long distance.
We used the completed living room and ate there and had a picture and then they already had to go. Alex helped me draw one of my paintings... since I was out of time and ideas.
When they left, despite my gratitude for their arrival from such a long distance... I felt empty. I mean, all my friends who came (count: 5) all had to leave early. And now was sort of the time I need them the most. Not because of my birthday, but because of these impending problems that suffocate me.
I badly wanted to drink.
***
I was there staring in the living room and hearing nothing but the conversations of my dad and my uncle's drinking buddies outside at the Basketball court. It was their new location to have the drinking table. I didn't want to drink with them. They have a totally different world from me. I wanted to drink with my own friends. I wanted to drink with a best friend I can't seem to find and just cry out all these problems.
A Very sick friend. (flash) Deadlines. (flash) Projects. (flash) Prelim Exams. (flash)
Speaking of Best Friend, while I was buying Katz' present at National Bookstore I encountered a book entitled "Be Your Own Best Friend" and inside the first page had a story about a guy named George who gave everything to his community and suddenly felt he was losing himself since he kept giving himself. Um... *ding ding ding*.
Like a bulb that suddenly switched on in my head. I bought the book without question. I need to read books. It's not a novel, but it's a start.
Back to the drinking. In the past few days, weeks, and four months... I haven't had a single drink. I think I've overdone the phrase "Drink Moderately" by now. Someone please hand me a drink.
I finished painting and let it dry up and then I went to my room to work on my blog.
***
After this whole debut thing with Katz and after getting some information on guys who have debuts (rare thing)... and since I love parties and partying... I'm thinking about seriously celebrating my 21st Birthday. It won't be strictly formal at the same time it won't be pancit and lumpia... it'll be a party everyone would remember. The party where everyone danced like there was no tomorrow. The party where everyone got drunk and fell asleep on top of each other at the lawn of our house. Hmmm. Wait. That's in 2006. Let's not think so far ahead.
***
So, now, my birthday is finished. I'm now 18. I don't feel that much different. I mean, the past week I feel like a shroud of sadness keeps following me. It even affected my birthday. It also affected my actions at Katz Debut.
I don't look like I'm 18. That's the problem. I want to work on that issue. Buhay ng Broadjourn and Buhay ng isang Writer taga-HF is not responsible for why I'm being so puyat these past few weeks. If a year ago I was skinny, now, I'm even more skinnier. I don't like that. I'm reaching the age where my physical growth is about to stop or start slowing down and I'm not planning on giving up. This is not the body frame I want to have the rest of my life.
Take care. Thanks to everyone who greeted me a Happy Birthday. It was happy when I saw you guys happy. But inside, it was a carnival of emotions.
On the midnight that welcomed the 13th of July this year, I was looking up at the night sky and saw the Full Moon high above me. The disco music from Katz Debut was playing just meters away and I was by myself.
I had been in the company of my classmates and friends who went to Katz' Debut in San Pedro, Laguna. Somewhere between the times the girls fought over Eric Salta and the puffs of smoke coming from Arjay's cigarette... I found myself walking away. I spent the last ten minutes of the 12th of July just sitting there by myself outside in the rocky parking lot. I felt lonely. I didn't know why. Is it the problems I've had the past week? Was it the atmosphere being too good and about to be gone too soon? Was it feeling empty when no one went looking for me? I don't know. I was just lonely.
I had borrowed dad's Samsung T100 so I flipped it open and browsed through potential people I could call. I wanted to call Joy Icayan but perhaps she was asleep. I wanted to call COM1-1 Tony to ask if he was ok, but maybe I would break his sleep. I wanted to call... well, I had a feeling I would disturb her.
So, I didn't call anyone.
The two hands of my wrist watch where pointed upwards and I waited for the seconds-hand to also point up. When it did, I had turned 18.
I went back to the lobby area and approached Teenah who was by herself. I said: "Teenah... I'm 18 now!" like a little eight-year-old kid. She laughed and I sat down next to her. My Digital Camera was still warm from all the pictures I was taking... so I let it cool off.
The rest of the time something bad happened. I had finally convinced myself that after a week of problem after problem, that everything was going to be normal. Until we all find out that Teenah was just robbed of P3,000 pesos.
Oh. My. God.
I couldn't believe this. I just couldn't. Not one day of the past week has gone without a sudden twist or turn.
My other classmates returned from going to Apple's place (5 minutes away) and we all gathered. Kuya Henry (my mom's cousin and our driver for the night) came with the CR-V and waited awhile.
We decided to not proceed to Padi's Point in Binan and instead go drinking at Apple's place. There, well, somehow... um, I didn't get to drink. I felt out of place with Katz' HS friends plus I didn't have money to even ride a jeepnee across town.
Teenah brought me outside of the house and into the darkness of the street and we had a conversation. Arjay came out, so did William, and the others. It was like we had a meeting 2 o'clock in the morning with Teenah. We shared the typical ghost stories followed by jokes and more of Arjays kwentos.
We left William at Apple's house since he decided to stay. Inside the CR-V was Eric, Arjay, Teenah, Maycee, and Keith. We dropped Keith near Southwoods and then zoomed down the dim and empty streets back into Cavite. We dropped Maycee first and then Arjay and Teenah near the UMC. Then we dropped Eric in Bacoor. Then, the first ray of light on the 13th of July was seen as we were speeding into Tanza from the fields of Tejero.
I ran into my house, quickly opened up my Birthday card from my parents, read it, and then collapsed onto my bed and fell asleep.
12:11pm. I opened my eyes and turned on the music and before I was about to get in the shower... the phone rang. At the same time my mom barged into my room saying "George! Bryan and Nikki are at the gate!"
My best friend from high school was back from the United States and he's here on vacation. He was outside with Nikki while I was in my pajamas inside my room. The same clothes he probably would have seen me wearing over a year ago. What an impression to make. Haha. My mom told me to change but when I opened my cabinet, I said... "Oh what the hell... all I need to get suited up in is myself. I need to be myself."
With that in mind, I marched outside into the Living Room slightly tense, slightly excited, all of the friggin' above. And then I yell out "Bryan!!". He stood up and then we shook hands. They couldn't stay. It was weird. It's like we just met at the same time it was like they were leaving after a whole morning in my house.
It so happens Bryan just got here from the airport. Woah. He looks bigger. Yes, that's the word. A bit taller + A bit, well, what's the word... healthier. That's exactly what I want to see in my friends right now... their good health.
It was sad they had to go early. We just spent five minutes talking before I had to lead them out. Bryan pointed out the Balikbayan boxes on the red truck that his grandparents where driving. Bryan did promise we would all go out sometime. He'll be here for six weeks.
***
The early afternoon was slow. No one came yet. Aldrich and Lance said they were coming but they wearn't around yet. I was receiving txt msgs. from a few friends but I couldn't reply because replying using a Samsung T100 was kind of difficult. Thanks to those who txt'd me!
Finally some relatives came. It was also my first time to be able to roam around the living room area which was now arranged. All the furniture was arranged. Complete with spanish-tiles and a multi-plex painted wall or something.
I took a shower and then I began painting my five paintings for my Art Appreciation class. Aldrich, Alex, and Lance finally arrived after what seemed like ages. I wasn't pissed off... I was actually glad they made it here safe. I mean, at least they did show up. And going to my house from La Salle Dasmarinas and Cavite City is pretty much quite a long distance.
We used the completed living room and ate there and had a picture and then they already had to go. Alex helped me draw one of my paintings... since I was out of time and ideas.
When they left, despite my gratitude for their arrival from such a long distance... I felt empty. I mean, all my friends who came (count: 5) all had to leave early. And now was sort of the time I need them the most. Not because of my birthday, but because of these impending problems that suffocate me.
I badly wanted to drink.
***
I was there staring in the living room and hearing nothing but the conversations of my dad and my uncle's drinking buddies outside at the Basketball court. It was their new location to have the drinking table. I didn't want to drink with them. They have a totally different world from me. I wanted to drink with my own friends. I wanted to drink with a best friend I can't seem to find and just cry out all these problems.
A Very sick friend. (flash) Deadlines. (flash) Projects. (flash) Prelim Exams. (flash)
Speaking of Best Friend, while I was buying Katz' present at National Bookstore I encountered a book entitled "Be Your Own Best Friend" and inside the first page had a story about a guy named George who gave everything to his community and suddenly felt he was losing himself since he kept giving himself. Um... *ding ding ding*.
Like a bulb that suddenly switched on in my head. I bought the book without question. I need to read books. It's not a novel, but it's a start.
Back to the drinking. In the past few days, weeks, and four months... I haven't had a single drink. I think I've overdone the phrase "Drink Moderately" by now. Someone please hand me a drink.
I finished painting and let it dry up and then I went to my room to work on my blog.
***
After this whole debut thing with Katz and after getting some information on guys who have debuts (rare thing)... and since I love parties and partying... I'm thinking about seriously celebrating my 21st Birthday. It won't be strictly formal at the same time it won't be pancit and lumpia... it'll be a party everyone would remember. The party where everyone danced like there was no tomorrow. The party where everyone got drunk and fell asleep on top of each other at the lawn of our house. Hmmm. Wait. That's in 2006. Let's not think so far ahead.
***
So, now, my birthday is finished. I'm now 18. I don't feel that much different. I mean, the past week I feel like a shroud of sadness keeps following me. It even affected my birthday. It also affected my actions at Katz Debut.
I don't look like I'm 18. That's the problem. I want to work on that issue. Buhay ng Broadjourn and Buhay ng isang Writer taga-HF is not responsible for why I'm being so puyat these past few weeks. If a year ago I was skinny, now, I'm even more skinnier. I don't like that. I'm reaching the age where my physical growth is about to stop or start slowing down and I'm not planning on giving up. This is not the body frame I want to have the rest of my life.
Take care. Thanks to everyone who greeted me a Happy Birthday. It was happy when I saw you guys happy. But inside, it was a carnival of emotions.
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