Sunday, October 17, 2004
DANGEROUSLY IN LOVE
The Damage Report - Year 3 - Ending Week #18
Background Music: "214" by Luke Mijares
NOTE: This is a weekly blog entry that summarizes a series of events of a finished week in and around La Salle.
This is also the last school week of Year III, first semester.
I, AM IN LOVE WITH YOU... You set me free. I can't do this thing called life without you here with me. Cause I'm dangerously in love with you. I'll never leave. Just keep loving me the way I love you loving me.
No tears ran down my face this past week. I managed to be a man and keep it in despite moments I thought I couldn't bear by being so far away. There were numerous times I had flashbacks of every moment we were next to each other. It's like my mind had photographic memory whenever we were near each other. My mind can even zoom in, zoom out, rewind, fast forward, and put things in slow motion.
No heartbeat was normal this past week either. It was depressed. It was happy. It was nervous. It was confident. It was content in its own daily workout.
I've always considered myself as a hopeless romantic. But I didn't realize until now exactly how hopeless I probably am. I've spent at least half of this past semester with these feelings and each day it just gets stronger. I'm no longer a "tropical depression", I'm a super typhoon about to force everyone into signal three.
Yes, it's dangerous. Why? Because I'm already anticipating yet another round of lovestruck doom. I'm an optimist but you can't get optimistic in the situation I'm in right now. There was high school which I couldn't get right. There was the NOVEMBER 20 episode last year where I believe I as karma'd. Then you can add the fleeting sorrow I felt with failed intimate friendships over the past few years.
I can never get things right when it comes to relationships. But now, more than ever, I've never felt so captured by these feelings. It's different this time around. This is the kind of love that can destroy your whole being.
Sometimes I try to block out my thoughts and think of something else. Other times I could be found trying to convince myself that "there are others out there" so in that way I can just move on. But it's not working! None of it is.
Am I real?
Do the words I speak before you
Make you feel
That the love I have for you
Will see no ending?
Well, if you look into my eyes
Then you should know
That there is nothing here to doubt
Nothing to fear
And you can lay your questions down
'Cause if you'll hold me
We can fade into the night
And you'll know
The world could die
And everything may lie
Still you shan't cry
'Cause time may pass
But longer than it'll last
I'll be by your side
Take my hand
And gently close your eyes
So you could understand
That there's no greater love tonight
Than what I've for you
Well, if you feel the same way for me
Then let go
We can journey to a garden no one knows
Life is short, my darling
Tell me that you love me
So we can fade into the night
And you'll know
The world could die
And everything may lie
Still you shan't cry
'Cause time may pass
And everything won't last
But I'll be by your side
Forever by your side
So you won't cry
214. LUKE MIJARES. (Originally sung by RIVERMAYA)
***
Helpless Heraldo
It's amazing how everyone follows the deadlines these days. Our third issue of Heraldo Filipino hasn't been layed-out. Our second issue of the LS is taking three weeks to get finished. Almost all the crucial people you need to get these issues out are usually out of the office.
I'm amused at the some of the professionalism.
I'm compassionate and understanding but others tend to abuse that. I know we all have different priorities, but at least we can assign someone else to work or coordinate on it. It's sad when you're only hearing an echo of yourself in the walls of the office with the determination to get HF3 and LS2 done by October 16 or the last working day of the semester. But it wasn't that way.
I think I'm just being tested by one or two co-editors. I mean, they have the power to reinforce my decisions yet they remain silent in the background.
One reason I think I'm like this is because I take my job at HF a bit too seriously. I'm at HF like I'm in an OJT sometimes. It just bites when your co-editors and other staff probably look at your enthusiasm and optimism as too idealistic instead of realistic.
I will never be over critical in dealing with issues.
I will capture events within the timeframe of the publication.
I will deliver issues that will really touch the hearts of students.
I will entrust a staff to take charge while I'm away.
I will improve coordination even with editors that aren't in my line.
I will have more faith in myself and never panic during crunch time.
I will finish the family tree to improve organization.
I will improve communication with the staff in general.
I will inspire and appreciate more people than ever before.
I will train the next generation and have that as a top priority.
The things that we can draw from each other.
I will publish the first edition of the HF Styleguide and have that as my legacy as HF19 Copy Editor. With the help of everyone of course, we will get this done.
***
What do you want?
We did our MSAD commercial dubbing at Creative Media Unlimited again. Arjay, Charmagne, and Tope were there. Charmagne did the voice over "What do you want? Power? Style? Comfort? Vios! It's everythin'..." while I did a simple "Toyota" at the end which sounded japanese.
Leah and I did the first cut of our radio commercial for MSAD at the MPR. Arjay and the rest of the group later decided to redo it after Sir Salcedo was disappointed with the results.
He loved the Vios commercial we dubbed. He even said it was better than the original commercial music. Wow, our nostrils are now the size of straws.
***
Pink and Half Inoy San
I watched two of the four AB COM theater productions this past week. "Pink" by COM 4-3 was about feminism and took place at this parlor. The energy famous from their section wasn't missing at all with their colorful show. I watched it with HF people during the full house showing on Wednesday night.
Then on Friday afternoon after my REED105 exam I watched "Half Inoy San" by COM 4-4. It was about Filipinos abroad in Japan during the old times. It made me laugh and the story touched me... literally. One of the cast members that interacted with the audience suddenly pulled me up from my front row chair and the whole Tanghalan was laughing with me. I watched it with Kate and other HF people sitting in the front row area.
Congratulations to the winners by the way. I always watch the AB COM theater productions and next year I am anticipating the shows from my batchmates in AB Com (currently 3-1, 3-2, and 3-3).
***
Sir Marvin Lepardo
REED105 was the only exam for the whole week and it was on Friday. I only studied hours before the exam. After the exam itself he stopped me in the middle of the 2nd floor of OSH and asked me why I wasn't even concerned that I didn't take up the two long quizzes last Friday. I responded with a shrug and surrendered.
"Sir, nahihiya kasi ako Sir. Absent ako ilang beses sa class niyo po. Parang ang kapal ng mukha ko kung nagpa-makeup quiz pa ako..."
30 minutes later.
"Sir, I have two things to tell you. First, you have a big heart for reaching out to troubled students instead of them reaching out to you for academic concerns,"
Sir Marvin smiled.
"Second, I will make sure one of my future columns will be about sexuality and conscience. There were things in Christian Morality this past semester that need to be addressed in a broader perspective. It doesn't show on any of my test papers, but it's there."
Sir nods and replies: "Grades could be faked. Most of the time we learn things through experiences."
We shook hands and parted ways in the hallway.
I felt relieved. My troubled REED105 concluded gracefully with those words. Sir Marvin really is a REED professor.
***
Off to the beach
I don't know if I'm on a runway to hell or on a dreamy white beach looking at the sunset with this person.
I can only forsee so much next week when we go to Puerto Galera. I even thought about backing out because it might be beautiful there but all that beauty will only remind me that I wish I could share that appreciation of it with. I'm really hoping Tope can go so he can get my mind off things. Tope's so flexible that's why. He can cheer you up, go out drinking with you, watch concerts with you, talk about anything under the sun with you. He's also mature about practical things and so down to earth.
Tom, on the other hand, has Leah. Leah has Tom. Upper, Kay, and Apple will be doing their girly things at the beach. I don't know Kay's older sister and her significant other. That would leave me, a white sand beach, and two days of constant contemplating. Damn.
72664124201.
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